Tombstones
by Nightless Dreamer
Summary: - A novelisation of chap. 59 - Zero is ordered to go visit his family's graves and try to remember the difference between vampires and humans...my first fic, please R&R!


Title: Tombstones

Summary: Zero is ordered to visit his family's graves and reconsider the meaning of being human. There, he meets someone he thought he'd never see again...

Author: Nightless Dreamer

Rated: K+

Disclaimer: I did not create, and do not own any of the characters from Vampire Knight; they are owned by Matsuri Hino, and I am simply borrowing them.

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Zero's P.O.V

I had avoided coming here since Ichiru's funeral a year ago..._A funeral without a body…_ I didn't want the memories or the pain that would arise if I came. I didn't want to remember the past; I was living by the day, never worrying about tomorrow. I didn't want to think about what I'd lost, about Yuuki, about Ichiru. It was cruel, that I'd had to lose both of them in such a short period of time.

"_This is about us being different from them. So go to the cemetery…and get that difference back into your mind properly."_

What was the difference? The difference was that they were blood-sucking monsters. They took and discarded lives as if they were nothing, so that they could play their little games.

"_The difference is that we try to erect graves to remember those that have left us behind, don't we? Even when there's nothing left to bury inside that grave…"_

Perhaps for a vampire, it was easier not to leave any remnant of what was lost. Forever was a long time to grieve, to hurt for something that was out of reach. I had taken that path, the path of a vampire, focused on nothing but work, so that it would hurt less, so that I would have no time to grieve, or to remember what was gone.

"_After all, even if you became a vampire…there must be a chunk inside of you that's still human, no?"_

But I hadn't realised that by living day by day, I would lose my humanity. In trying to bury the pain, I'd buried that human part of me, to the point that I didn't even know if there was anything human left inside of me.

Lying on the tombstone of my younger twin's grave, the stone cool under my hands and cheek, I whispered out my insecurities, wishing for someone to comfort me, even though I knew there was no one…_There's no one left but you…_ "Ichiru…I wonder…if there really is any chunk of 'humanity' left inside me…"

What was I hoping to achieve? Even if I spoke aloud, I couldn't deny the truth. I couldn't deny what happened. The hunger that I'd felt, the anticipation of finally being able to kill a pureblood vampire, a need that felt so similar to the unquenchable thirst for blood, so strong that it had sent shivers down my spine…That had all been undeniably me…

Even with my eyes closed I could still remember the feelings that had coursed through me as I stood in front of Shirabuki Sara, certain that I would get my kill. _It's too late to talk of remembering differences between races…_For me, there was no difference, no line that defined me as human and not vampire, when so much of me had already become tainted, when I had already become a monster…_I'm already…_

"Ichiru…I can't remember…" _I can't remember how it felt to be human._

"Why are you talking to the grave?"

My eyes shot open and I sat up, not daring to believe what I'd heard. _Ichiru! _There was another hand covering mine, deceptively warm and soft, similar to mine and yet different, as there were no calluses from rigorous hunter training. Ichiru had never had the strength to be a hunter as a child. As I turned, half fearing what I would –_or wouldn't_- see, I glimpsed silver hair and a pale face identical to mine. He was smiling, a soft, gentle smile that I had only seen once… right before I had taken the last of his life.

"I'm not even inside that grave," he continued, not turning around, instead choosing to look out at the rest of the quiet cemetery. "You're such a dummy, Zero"

I wanted to say something, his name, anything, but I feared that he would disappear if I did, and I would realise it had only been my wishful thinking that had made him appear.

"The place where I actually am… is inside you, Zero" and at last he turned, his eyes a calm, soft violet, so completely different to the turmoil mine were surely showing at his appearance. "Did you finally decide to listen to my voice…?" A hint of sadness. "Did you finally decide to accept what happened…one year ago…?"

How could I? I had stolen his life away from him, when he should've been the one to live. There was no way I could let go of the guilt, the remorse at my impulsive actions. Again and again, I had taken from him, until there was nothing left…

His hand reached out, skimmed over my cheek and tangled in my hair, dragging my face to his shoulder; I could smell a faint, sweet scent of flowers and something else, something that was uniquely Ichiru. The heat emanating through his shirt was warm, and I could hear the blood rushing through the vein in his neck …_ghosts have a heartbeat…?_

"Hey, Zero…Tell me, what are humans…?" he asked softly, his breath brushing my ear. I paused, confused at his inquiry, and was tempted to draw away from him, not wanting to face the consequences of pondering such a question, but I had not had close human contact for so long, and I didn't want to move away now that I finally got to be near him again.

At my lack of response, he continued, hand running softly through my hair in a stroking manner "Because you know, there are humans who desire to take the blood of purebloods, exactly like the vampires too…So, what is that 'human race' you speak of…?"

I could read the true intent behind his question, the words that he really wanted to say but didn't…_What is it that makes you think you're a monster? _I kept my silence, not sure how to answer him. What _was _it that made me a monster…? I had done terrible things, stolen Ichiru's life…_made Yuuki sad…_I banished the thought. One thing at a time; I didn't want to think about her; the Yuuki I knew was dead.

"You're always so serious, forcing yourself to cool your head and trying to hold yourself in check…you dummy" he sighed softly, giving a last stroke before slowly slipping his hand from the back of my head. "Think about it well!"

Free of the pressure keeping my head down, I reluctantly lifted my head, eyes glancing up when he next said my name. "But, hey… Zero…"

Ichiru softly butted his head against mine, the hand that had stroked my hair now framing my cheek. "Whatever you do, there's one thing I don't want you to get wrong…" A small breeze blew past us, tangling our silver locks. "..That one thing is the meaning of the words I said to you that day…" A stronger gust now, and as I closed my eyes against the sharp wind, the rest of his unsaid sentence echoed in my head. "_Live on…and fulfil your goal …" _He was gone.

Alone again, I stared down at the grass framing his grave – _"I'm not even inside that grave…you're such a dummy, Zero…" _ - and fought back tears. This was the pain that I had tried to avoid; that agonising, tearing pain in my chest as the things I had held on so tight to slipped right through my fingers…_Ichiru_…_Yuuki_…

And at last, I had my answer. To be human was to feel, to remember each precious event that had ever happened, whether it be happy or sad. It was to remember the hurt…and to forgive it and move on. To be human was to admit and accept my feelings, and perhaps for me, that was the hardest thing to do.

_The one I love is…_

"Ichiru, thank you…"

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Hope you enjoyed it~ Please review. It's my first fanfic, so all advice and comments are appreciated!


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